Losing meaningfulness and purpose as a mother

As Muslims we know that the purpose of our life is to worship Allah. Our identity on earth is directly tied to our Lord and Master, Allah. We are His servants:

“And I (Allah) did not create the jinn and mankind except so that they should worship Me (Alone).”

(Quran 51:56)

Before we have the responsibilties of marriage and children, the concept of worship and connection to Allah is straightforward. We spend our extra time reading Quran, volunteering for His sake, fasting, etc. However once marriage and children come into the picture, our old schedules and routines go out the window, and with them, our ability to worship Allah as we used to.

This is when it becomes very important to realize the broad definition of worship in Islam:

The companion Abu Dharr Al-Ghafari, may Allah be pleased with him, said:

‎إِفْرَاغُكَ مِنْ دَلْوِكَ فِي دَلْوِ أَخِيكَ صَدَقَةٌ، وَأَمْرُكَ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَنَهْيُكَ عَنِ الْمُنْكَرِ صَدَقَةٌ، وَتَبَسُّمُكَ فِي وَجْهِ أَخِيكَ صَدَقَةٌ، وَإِمَاطَتُكَ الْحَجَرَ وَالشَّوْكَ وَالْعَظْمَ عَنْ طَرِيقِ النَّاسِ لَكَ صَدَقَةٌ، وَهِدَايَتُكَ الرَّجُلَ فِي أَرْضِ الضَّالَّةِ صَدَقَةٌ‏

“Pouring water from your bucket into your brother’s bucket is a charity. Your commanding of good and forbidding of evil is a charity. Smiling in your brother’s face is charity. Removing stones, thorns and bones from people’s path is charity for you. Guiding a man in a place where there are no directions is a charity.”

(Sahih Adab Al-Mufrad)

So virtually everything and anything we do in our life is worship — if we make our intention for the sake of Allah. This not only makes our entire life an act of worship, but it also fills every act we do with purpose and mindfulness. As mothers this is especially important and uplifting because our daily tasks and responsibilities can many times feel like mindless burdens.

We must remind ourselves that raising children — raising Allah’s servants — is one of the greatest acts of worship. Yes, that also includes all the monotonous tasks such as feeding and washing them and breaking up their fights. Shaykh As-Sa’idi said:

“The people who are most deserving of your good are your children. They are a trust which Allah gave you and He instructed you to give them a righteous upbringing that is good for their bodies and hearts.

Anything you do in that regard (of raising them righteously), big or small, is a fulfillment of the obligation given to you and from the most virtuous things that brings you closer to Allah. So strive in that and expect the reward from Allah.

Just as you are rewarded for fulfilling their rights when you feed, clothe and care for their physical health, you are also, and even more so, rewarded for nurturing their hearts and souls, when you teach them beneficial and truthful knowledge, guide them to the best of manners and warn them from what contradicts that.”

(Bahjat Quloob Al-Abrar)

Working mothers are no exception. They raise their kids as well as work hard to take care of them financially. This is also an act of worship: ⁣

A man passed by the Prophet (peace be upon him) and his companions, and the companions noticed his energy and strength so they said:⁣ ⁣

“O Messenger of Allah, if only he would spend that (strength) in the way of Allah!” ⁣

He replied: “If he left (his home) to earn for his young children, that is for the sake of Allah.

If he left (his home) to earn for his elderly parents, that is for the sake of Allah. ⁣

If he left (his home) to earn so that he could guard his chastity (i.e. get married), that is for the sake of Allah.

If he left (his home) to boast and show off, then that is for the sake of Satan.”

(At-Tabarani, Sahih) ⁣

Ibn Taymiyah, may Allah have mercy on him, said:

“Seeking halal (income) and spending on one’s family is a great opportunity(for reward) and no good deed can be compared to it.”

(Al Iman Al-Awsat)

As a mother, you have the unique opportunity to make every pain and burden you endure for your children — for the sake of Allah. It is because of this heavy burden on the mother that Allah honored and elevated her from amonst all humans:

قَالَ رَجُلٌ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ مَنْ أَحَقُّ بِحُسْنِ الصُّحْبَةِ قَالَ أُمُّكَ ثُمَّ أُمُّكَ ثُمَّ أُمُّكَ ثُمَّ أَبُوكَ ثُمَّ أَدْنَاكَ أَدْنَاكَ ‏

A man came to the Prophet and said: “O Allah’s Messenger, who amongst the people is most deserving of my good treatment?”

He, peace be upon him, replied: “Your mother, (and) again your mother, (and) again your mother, then your father, then your nearest relatives according to the order (of nearness).”

(Sahih Muslim)